| | Light Relief Although they're a joke in themselves, with tax credits in our lives, we can all do with a bit of humour! Don't miss the new buttons on the left ...
Hand In Your Pocket (Sing to the tune of 'Hand In My Pocket' by Alanis Morissette)
We’re broke from tax credits
So poorly designed
We need Legal Action, yeah
It’s high time for justice
Protect those who’re overpaid
Free lawyers are lined up – waiting! And what it all comes down to
Is that we just need backing in case we lose
Hope you’ve got one hand in your pocket
While the other one is writing out a cheque!
So if you’ve been done over
Sent bills ‘cause you’re overpaid
It’s time for fundraising, yeah
Have Tupperware parties
Car boot sales and sponsored walks
Or sell dodgy goods on ebay
‘Cause what it all comes down to
Is the Human Rights Abuses of the Revenue
Make sure that one hand’s in your pocket
And the other one is dialing a wealthy friend. And what it all comes down to
Is that we haven't got funding figured out just yet
Hope you’ve got one hand in your pocket
While the other one is rattling a collection tin.
We’ve paid all campaign costs
We’re all volunteers
We eke out the pennies daily
We’ve got thr’pence ha’penny
We need a Philanthropist
We can’t sell our bodies (can we??)
And what it all boils down to
Is that no one's really got twenty-five grand just spare
Hope you’ve got one hand in your pocket
While the other one is busking on your guitar
And what it all comes down to my friends, yeah
Is that raising cash will be fine fine fine
‘Cause you’ll have one hand in your pocket
While the other one raids the kids’ piggy bank. Alison Myers-Ward [Top]
Kennedy (Sing to the tune of Valerie by Futons/Amy Winehouse) by Ali MW 
Kennedy Well, sometimes she goes out by herself
For tax credit ‘consultations’*
And pretends to find out things, ‘bout tax credits
From advisors who don’t claim them
CHORUS:
And when she comes on home,
She proclaims them a success
‘Cause she’s missed the deep despair
Of her overpayment mess,
Passing victims over
Ignoring the full misery,
Why won't you talk to claimants, Kennedy? Did you know there’s no fair trial
Human Rights are in denial, that we can’t afford lawyers?
Did it figure in your plan,
To claw back all that you can, to pay back for ya?
And are you stoppin' the despair,
Writing off when it’s not fair? Are you busy?
And if we take it up the line
Gordon’s dodging all the time, not listening, is he?
CHORUS:
(Kennedy) x3
Well, sometimes she goes out by herself
For tax credit ‘consultations’
And pretends to find out things, ‘bout tax credits
From advisors who don’t claim them…
CHORUS:
(Kennedy) x3 Yeh Kennedy * “The changes that I have proposed today, the detail of which will become public after we have finished the consultation with the ombudsman and other organisations with which we are engaged, will improve the way in which customers of the tax credit system are dealt with when overpayments are made.” http://www.publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm200607/cmhansrd/cm071018/debtext/71018-0001.htm [Top]
Gong for Summersgill
(to the tune of Cliff Richard’s ‘Summer Holiday’)
We’re all gobsmacked at this gong for Summersgill,
Head of Chaos at the Revenue.
Gongs for Tax Credits and making people ill
Seems a little bizarre to me:
“Here’s a CBE!”
His overpayments don’t come lightly.
His overpayments make us blue.
To profit from our suffering -
Well, that’s something new!
Debts we owe him are not ones of gratitude
If we had the cash, then we would sue.
Criticise him and we just get platitudes
‘Cause the attitude’s ‘Hard luck, you!’
From the Revenue.
(and Nu-Labour too…) Ali M-W [Top]
Ode to Tax Credits The Tax Credit system is flawed and unfair,
And it seems about time someone told Mr Blair
That his Frankenstein’s monster is falling apart,
For want of a clear mind, a conscience and heart. Once I trusted the Revenue – madly deluded!
I told them my income, and (sadly) concluded
The sums that they paid me were fine and correct.
From a Government body – it’s what you’d expect! But the rules of the system are not what they seem,
And despite their trained workers, their forms and machines,
They’re allowed to rely, like some petulant kid,
On their claimants for all the checks they never did. Well, they paid me too much, and I hadn’t a clue…
I needed it, spent it – as others would do,
And although they’ve agreed the mistakes are all theirs,
They simply won’t see they took me unawares. As I didn’t notice, they say they have grounds
For demanding, with menaces, five thousand pounds.
They won’t be accountable in any way.
It’s all down to me, at the end of the day. Their hands they have washed, and all blame they divest,
Immune from their actions, through their ‘two stage test’.
With the onus on me to know they’ve made a bodge,
The effects of their errors they neatly can dodge. As to what claimants can ‘reasonably’ spot –
How would we know what’s wrong, when their system does not?
All discretion and power with the Revenue lies –
As both jury and judge, what they say applies. How could I be ruined by my own government?
Demanding the money I needed and spent?
Their mistakes cost them nothing – no sanctions apply-
Although I’ll be in debt till the day that I die. The Tax Credit system needs urgent reforming,
So dangerous it warrants a government warning:
“Claiming Tax Credits will damage your wealth,
Steamroller your future and bulldoze your health”. Gordon Brown’s monster is falling apart,
Barren its soul, and poisoned its heart.
It’s a punitive system that’s flawed and unfair,
So it seems about time someone told Mr Blair… Alison Ward [Top]
Ode to Tax Credits 2.
With your Flagship Tax Credits still letting us down,
There isn't a lifeboat in sight, Mr Brown.
The ocean is swelling, we're scuppered and wet,
And you wave from the shore as we're drowning in debt.
With 6-point-6 billion pounds overpaid,
It's yours and the Revenue's fault, I'm afraid.
We told them our income; they hadn't the knack
To pay us correctly, and now want it back.
Ex-Paymaster Dawn Primarolo confessed:
"Most claimants are honest", yet still there's a test,
When we're failed by officials, of 'reasonable belief',
Which treats every claimant as liar and thief.
Each claimant must prove that they couldn't have spotted
Mistakes by the system, or else be garrotted,
And robbed of their money, their good name defiled,
Forgotten their Human Right to a Fair Trial.
With the Revenue judging, all power is theirs,
So they find in their favour, and nobody cares.
If they can't trace a phone call, it wasn't just missed;
If papers are lost, well they didn't exist!
Primarolo has said taking claimants to court
Isn't done by routine, but as a 'last resort',
But claimants are brought there whilst still in appeal,
And certificates flashed with remarkable zeal.
With certificates shown, there is no going back.
No tribunal or hearing; they're on the attack.
Judges won't listen; we doubt that they can,
And all that's discussed is the repayment plan.
Lord Falconer sells to loan firms, for a price,
Debtors' names, claimants' details. How sordid. Not nice.
No wonder Tax Credits have such a bad name.
Gordon Brown should be hanging his head now in shame.
Tax Credits can cause far worse damage than smoking,
Leave you hopeless, depressed, suicidal - no joking.
"Claiming Tax Credits drives scores to distraction,
So instead of the baccy - save for legal action!"
Gordon Brown's Flagship is sinking, there's panic.
Climbing on board is like sailing Titanic.
It's a dangerous gamble; in debt you could drown.
King Canute turned no tide, but can you, Mr Brown? [Top] |
